“I ROAR in response!”

Hello. I am new here. I’m 8 months out of the ward. Last summer I began to hear kind, supportive voices. I had been doing a lot of yoga. Meditating. Eating well. I’ve never done drugs. Then I went manic. I got super paranoid that someone was out to get me. I fought an epic battle against an invisible dark army and was met by guides and spirits who helped me to protect myself. It was horrifying. I almost died from starvation. Every night I would prepare for my death. Each morning was a victory if I lived.

I was found naked and in full trance in my home by 4 cops and a social worker. I was taken to ER then the ward, handcuffed in a sheriff’s car. They ran tests and let me wander the halls like a jaguar for days. I remembered smashing a coffee pot to pieces out of anger. I spent time in the padded cell. They finally injected me with drugs, not knowing what else to do. Then came pills. I lied when the doc asked if I was hearing voices. Then lied to my family that I was taking the drugs while under their care afterwards.

I quit the poison. I refused to be called sick or be a paranoid schizophrenic. The only true help I got was, ironically, not doctors, but the voices! After the ward I hallucinated and received messages from other beings for six months. I thought it would be the new normal. Then a doctor friend suggested I do hard cardio and within a week of running I felt more “back to Earth” than I had in months.

I still run. I eat as well as I can. I don’t watch violence. Somedays my life feels like a sci-fi story. I am learning to pray like never before. I sing songs to keep unseen predators away. I fall into small spells of paranoia and lately I’m just so sick of it that I ROAR in response. You can’t bully me anymore! My heart is pure! I am here for the good! Let me do my work!

And what is my work? It may be to talk to voices! 😂 The good ones! I’ve found coaches and mentors who are professional psychics. One works for the sheriff’s department and helps to find missing people. I just got into a graduate program for mental health. I’ll start one year from my release from the ward and you bet I’m gonna fight like hell to develop *actual care* for those of us who, in my opinion, may be very gifted, we just don’t have the tools to protect ourselves. Thank you for reading and for being a part of this loving, brave group. ~ Anonymous Submission


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